You have to make your own discoveries and it is a slow, quiet process, marked by the kind of little shocks you don’t bother telling anyone about.

Because everyone is making their discoveries too.

You find out the hard way, for instance, when you get up in the morning and see the cost of living has gone up again on its own accord, not minding whether you have.

Or knowing that fuel is 1350 to the liter and all at once the city seems to have no character left. The traffic is as good as a still photo; you have your statues of men behind the wheel looking thoroughly done in.

Or you are having a laugh with some friends and then you go quiet because you can tell they are thinking what you are but no one will put it to words first.

Phew!

In Nigeria, hope and frustration seem to be present in the same room. I would rather it were not so, but there they are in opposite chairs, neither willing to give the other the door.

What will I do now? Sit with them too?

You read the news and you can’t put a name to the feeling that stirs up in your chest. It is heavier than anger or fear. Something very very unnamable.

Yet life carries on. A girl is putting on her work clothes with the music blaring in her ears as if to drown out reality. A boy is off sending in yet another application, as though enough repetition will amount to a breakthrough.

Hmmm.

One state over and someone is in such a fit of laughter he has his problems on hold for five minutes and we may call that mercy. In another state a man is broken by his feelings every minute and can’t get on with anything.

There is a weariness here and there of a sort that doesn’t go away with sleep, it is in your bones and puts down strong roots. But you will also see a stubbornness in our people, an outright refusal to be broken.

I know that's what makes us survivors of everything the land has thrown to us.

Despite the fact that the system seems to be speaking a language no one learned by consensus, and despite the fact that responses continue to arrive too late or not at all.

We've cried, we shouted, we've had campaigns, we've lent our voices, but we can't stop now. We need to do more. We need to keep praying for the county, for ourselves, for our people.

Because even in the silence where answers should be, we are still here… still remembering each other in fragments of hope.

And maybe that is the quiet victory no one can take away from us. That we did not look away, we did not forget, and we have not stopped being human, even in this time.

Author's Note: I don't think I'm cut out to be a Poet. 😂😭

But… I tried right? 🙂😐😂

And as it sat heavily on my chest again today, I thought, "why not? Let's write about it, even if thousands of people may have written about it before.” (I planned to write about something else entirely).

Some things need to be emphasized over and over if you will agree with me.

This statement may begin to sound like one of those random motivational lines people tweet and say over the line,

But honestly? That sentence is a dangerous one because it’s not just a fact, it is a statement that has been proven to be true.

And it is not in the physical things alone, it seeps into every aspect of your being. Spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally.

Sometimes, some sicknesses we feel in our bodies are not first, from the outer environment, but from the defects, the hardness found in our souls.

Some of us are feeding our souls “things” and we wonder why life feels heavy.

“What do you expect?”

You know what’s even funny, This generation of ours understands “consumption” properly only when it comes to natural food.

But consumption is not only about the food that goes into your body system. The feeding that goes into your soul is consumption too - one of the most important.

What do you think the Bible was saying when this lifeline came up in the Third book of John and started with BELOVED; “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” (3 John 1:2)

“If your soul is sick, your body will be as well no matter how fine or handsome you may look outside.”

Whew.

Honestly, some of us are aesthetically okay but spiritually exhausted. Pretty face. Broken peace. Good drip. Bad mental state. Active online. Dead inside.

And the scary thing is many people don’t even notice it immediately. The devil shields us from seeing it.

Do you know you can leak life? Yes. When you begin to do unhealthy things to your soul, you begin to leak.

Sometimes, when you are mentally exhausted - that's life leaking.

Sometimes, when you are on a rollercoaster with your emotions (mood swings), you leak life.

Sometimes, when you don't forgive and let go - Ohh, trust me, you LEAK LIFE.

When you lose your confidence by comparison - that's a measure of life… GONE.

When you are not joyous because you keep feeding on negativity - YOU. LOSE. LIFE.

Do you see that?

One thing I don't enjoy with social media these days is the normalization of unhealthy living, it is so subtle you may not even know. (I'm not talking about your physical look).

Everybody is overstimulated. Everybody is distracted. Everybody is mentally multitasking twenty different pressures that are not supposed to be on anyone in the first place.

Whatever constantly enters you eventually shapes you. That’s why your environment matters. Your conversations matter. Your playlists matter. The content you binge matters. The little details matter.

Your soul is listening even when you think you’re just “having fun.” And I’m not saying disappear into the forest and become a monk.

Please laugh. Enjoy your youth. Please make memories.

But protect your inner life too.

Not every trend deserves your participation. Not every conversation deserves your energy. Not every vibe and message deserves access to your spirit.

Because eventually, whatever you repeatedly consume becomes visible in your life.

Peaceful people don’t happen accidentally. Grounded people don’t happen accidentally. Healthy souls are built intentionally and with the right materials.

And honestly? This is one of the most important investments nobody taught us growing up - Protecting your soul before life hardens it, but you can learn it now.

Please, be vigilant with what you allow.

Author's Note: I love writing to you.

Will you love me back by reading and sharing your thoughts?

And add a cherry on top - a follow, a like and a restack.

Have a nice read. 💜

My late-night thoughts spilled onto paper.

I think people underestimate how violent it feels

to lose someone without a funeral.

Because you’re alive.

Still tweeting probably. Still laughing somewhere. Still existing in rooms I no longer have access to.

And somehow, that almost hurts more.

Because what do you mean…

The person who knew my weirdest jokes is now just... a distant memory?

What do you mean I have to act normal

when my brain still reaches for you in the smallest moments?

You ever miss somebody during something so mundane?

Like seeing a meme and realizing

the one person who would have understood it

is no longer yours to send it to.

That kind of pain is unserious and devastating at the same time. And I think that’s what nobody tells you about losing friendships.

Romantic heartbreak gets playlists. Duh.

But friendship heartbreak, it gets silence.

People expect you to move on quickly.

Like, “it’s just a friend.”

Just?

That was my person.

That was the human version of comfort food.

That was the one person I could sit beside

without performing happiness.

Now look at me.

Drafting conversations in my head

like an unemployed customer care. Phewww!

And honestly?

I realized, the hardest part is not even losing you.

It is unlearning you.

Unlearning the instinct to update you first.

Unlearning your favorite songs.

Unlearning the way my day naturally bent toward your existence.

That’s the sick part.

Because I didn’t realize how much space you occupied in until you left.

You know how people leave perfume in rooms?

That’s what you did to my life.

You lingered.

In routines.

In language.

In habits.

Even now,

certain words still sound like you.

And I hate that healing

sometimes feels like betrayal.

Because why does recovering from this

feel like I’m slowly deleting evidence

that you mattered?

Nobody talks enough about that.

About how grief is not always dramatic.

Sometimes it’s tiny.

Like almost calling somebody

before remembering

you don’t speak anymore.

Or seeing their favorite snack in a store

and feeling your chest tighten

like your body remembered before your brain did.

Embarrassing honestly.

Because why am I emotionally drained over biscuits?

Well… I guess grief is weird like that.

It sneaks into ordinary places.

And the loneliness?

Oh, the loneliness is aggressive.

Not because there aren’t other people around.

But because nobody else is you.

That’s the issue.

People think replacement fixes absence. It doesn’t.

Human beings are not phone chargers.

I realized,

You cannot just borrow another one

and continue life like nothing happened.

Some people leave fingerprints

on your personality.

You start realizing

certain parts of who you are

were built inside that friendship.

That laugh? Influenced by them.

That confidence? Watered by them.

That version of you? Witnessed by them.

And now you must continue life

without the person

who helped shape certain pieces of you.

Terrible experience honestly.

Zero stars.

And yet...

I know this ending is necessary.

Not because it feels good.

God knows it doesn’t.

But because some people are seasonal.

Not fake.

Not evil.

Just temporary.

And temporary things

still leave permanent lessons.

I think healing starts

when you stop trying to resurrect

what has already ended.

It hurts though.

Because some friendships don’t die loudly.

But I don't want that with you.

They fade.

Slowly.

Quietly.

One delayed reply at a time.

One emotional distance at a time.

Until suddenly

you’re strangers carrying shared history.

And wow.

That sentence alone deserves jail time.

But maybe growth is accepting

that not everybody

is meant to follow you forever.

Maybe some people arrive

to teach you love.

Others arrive

to teach you release.

Either way,

it changes you.

And yes,

I will heal eventually.

I know that.

But for now?

I miss my friend.

And I think people should normalize saying that

without shame.

Because losing somebody

who once felt like home

can make even familiar places

feel emotionally homeless.

That’s real.

And honestly?

Some nights,

that truth hits harder than sleep.

It is cool to think since no one is physically robbing us, no guns are involved, we are not being stolen from. There is a silent theft that happens every day.

Some valuable stuff gets stolen. YOUR ATTENTION.

Do you know what's terrifying about it? You’re probably assisting the thief.

You would agree with me, We belong to the noisiest generation ever. Notifications everywhere. Information everywhere. Everyone talks.

But your brain doesn’t have time to breathe. You wake up, and there are engagement pictures, fitness journeys, daily routines of billionaires, news, football debates, relationship podcasts, and one random conspiracy theory all before washing your teeth.

Hmmm. No wonder most individuals in our generation do not have the capacity to think things through.

Anyway this is not my concern for today.

There is a long time desire of every individual on earth - A balanced life.

Everyone wants a balanced life and somewhere there, we believe we understand the entities of a balanced life, But do we, really?

Speaking for myself now, I thought I knew what a balanced life was until that meeting,

The teacher said, “A Balanced Life is a life that has STEADY IMPROVEMENTS in ALL AREAS of the said life.”

As I went home that day, I asked myself bitter truths.

In all the areas of life I'm involved in, “are there steady improvements?”

In my relationship with the God I claim to love and follow. In my writing. In my academics. In my relationships. In my values. In my service to people. In how I pray and study the word. In my family. In my character and mindset. In how I network.

And the answer came to me with a force that knocked me off my feet.

Let me direct the attention back to you now, “do you want a balanced life? If you do, are there steady improvements in all areas of your life?”

Till I come your way again tomorrow, think about these things and I would love to hear from you.

Even if some act like hulk or whatever.

I promise you, no one is left out, so you're not alone 😉.

And spiritual activities do not "kill" them or "take" them away. They can only suppress them for a while because your mind, body and heart is focused on something else at the time of the activity.

One thing you may agree with me on is you can fast 40 days and nights like your savior, be tempted on the 41st day and still... Fall.

Lol.

The reason why Jesus didn't fall when He was tempted of t devil like you do or will is... UNDERSTANDING.

My pastor taught this in church one time, and it stuck in my head;

A spiritual man (Man or Woman) is not one who does not know anything about himself or herself, but a man who by God's revelation understands himself or herself.

I digress quickly,

What you know as spirituality is not what it means. I'm not throwing shades, I used to be in your shoes before.

Spirituality is not a state of feeling spooky.

It is not a sensation that you have become spiritual.

It is rather the pursuit of the right kind of knowledge, the assimilation of it, the organization of it within you and the establishment of the truth the knowledge will bring about within you.

And how can you come into this pursuit? Through preachers that have the deposit of this kind of knowledge.

So you can pray 40 hours and yet, you're not spiritual.

Don't read what I didn't say, it is good to pray, the Bible says we should pray without ceasing. But praying without understanding does not yield results as it ought to.

You can read your Bible for days and you're not spiritual.

Did I say you should not read your Bible? Of course not, You should.

All I'm saying is, you can do all of these, but that doesn't mean you're spiritual.

Refer back to what I explained as spirituality up there.

The first level of being deemed spiritual is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Yes, a charity man is a spiritual man to a level, a high one.

Back to what I was saying.

Everyone have desires.

Stop feeling bad that you do. God, for goodness sake, put it there for a purpose.

You may have been managing the desires in several inappropriate ways, but you can properly understand why these desires are there, and how to channel and manage them the right way.

With that said,

I found out a few ways to handle channeling your sexual urges (when they become loud).

• Exercise

• House chores (channel energy of the desires towards doing house chores)

• Accountability in Truth.

I hope this help someone out there today.

Disclaimer: Some single people are sexually healthy than married people and vice versa.

Stop thinking that once you get married, you may be free from some of the inappropriate ways you've managed your sexual urges.

If marriage frees individuals from sexual sin, then some married men would not commit adultery.

The true knowledge of God is what sets people free, truly.

Till I come your way again.

Jesutofunmi.

Author's note: In subsequent posts, I will write on Understanding our Erotic Nature - The Male and The Female Erotic Nature.

However, one thing I'm glad about is the fact that I picked my pen and book today and wrote something regardless of the fact that nothing was coming to my head and mind initially.

Finally, have a beautiful service tomorrow.

I’ve often heard from “nurses abe ile”, that taking deep sighs especially as a young human is quite dangerous to the health.

However true or wrong that may be…

Can you blame a lady whose mind is jumbled and the best way or so she thinks to release some tension that has clinged to every inch of her body is to take a deep breath from the core of her stomach and breath out slowly through her nostrils and mouth?

I hope not.

You may be wondering what has caused this lady so much trouble and annoyance to elicit deep sighs here and there?

I will tell you.

SHE HASN’T WRITTEN IN THREE WEEKS! okay, maybe two and a half, but you get the gist and that’s besides the point.

The issue remains: NOT A SINGLE PIECE FROM HER IN TWO WEEKS AND COUNTING.

Is that not... wickedness? I have no name for it.

Guys, I am in trouble. If you’re still confused about who the lady is, the lady is me, I am the lady.

Back to the point in hand, I am in trouble and I am dead serious.

I realized I was neck deep in trouble when I REMEMBERED I had not written for the past few , *coughs* 20 days and I was in pain.

Literally, I felt a sharp pain in my heart and dread pooled at the bottom of my stomach when I came to realize.

The crazy part of the plot twist is, I’ve not been stuck in my head, Okayyy, maybe a little, no “writer’s block” (I don’t believe in that anymore) but I haven’t been writing... To YOU.

What happened!???

I’ve been writing tests, proposal and plenty reports if they count for writing, jokes on me, who the hell am I kidding?

Who calls themselves a writer but doesn’t write? WHO!??

What happened!? I will tell you.

Here is the first annoying truth - I realized that as much as I have been “busy” with school activities - that claims my money and Time anytime it wants, acting like an annoying last born, no shades to last borns, I’m one - I am LAZY when it comes to my writing skill.

That felt weirdly refreshing saying it out loud to you.

And with laziness comes INDISCIPLINE and INCONSISTENCIES, that I have engaged in in the last couple of days and the worst part? I have no idea what to do.

“But you wrote to me now, doesn’t it count for something?” It DOESN’T!!! Or it does a little? I don’t want to excuse the behavior.

Another annoying truth I came into - As much as I like writing to you pieces from the depth of my soul, I am not happy with the fact that I’m not making money with it.

Annoying because I wasn’t comfortable with it, but if I don’t tell myself the truth no matter how brutal it may seem at first, who will?

See ehn, I love the writing niche. I love to put pen to paper and let my thoughts flow. I love to write and pour my heart out.

But am I supposed to be unhappy about that? I have no idea, but I realized that a few days back after I questioned the life out of my life.

As a believer, I am not supposed to allow this bring me down or make me feel I’m not making progress and that’s the truth (my Bible says I should be anxious for nothing)

But this truth showed me how much the thought of making and having money is still deep rooted somewhere there in my soul and it is dictating how I react to some life situations, which is not supposed to be so.

Don’t get me wrong, wanting to make money and have it is not a bad idea.

But the fact that I allowed it overwhelm me without MY KNOWING is the baffling and craziest part. I didn’t know I was quite sad and unable to pull myself together to keep writing until this truth came to light.

If I had not sat with myself to analyze what exactly was wrong with how uneasy I felt, I may not have seen it. I would not have seen that I was already giving in to the pressure silently and life was being drained.

This now brings me to what I think this piece is all about - YOU LOOSE THINGS WITHOUT YOUR AWARENESS. Most especially, life and fellowship in the Spirit.

Oftentimes, our discernment in the spirit is not as it should be and due to this, the enemy takes advantage of that and uses it well and subtly.

Have you ever wondered about this - You had a beautiful fellowship with Jesus before leaving the house or going about your day, but by the time you make it back home or lay in your bed to sleep, you realize that the day wasn’t as it ought to be. You didn’t please God.

You spoke harshly to someone, you cursed at someone in your mind, you faked a smile to a colleague, you passed aggression in the subtle way, you had annoying thoughts...

I Corinthians 13:4 says, Charity suffers long but is kind. Funny why that scripture started with that first thought? Lol.

What do you think brought about all of these? Life leaked without your awareness and often times, we don’t see it quickly to be able to redirect our steps.

So, we can have a beautiful quiet time with God in the morning, shower Him with kisses and love but by the time the day comes to an end, you’ve lost a ton of life - which should not be, really.

It is not what it is.

What can you do to avoid losing life through the day?

Being lazy and being inconsistent is losing a measure of life.

Constant fellowship with The Person of The Holy Spirit through the day.

Yes, it may look very simple, but it is not EASY. I tell you and I lie not.

The last annoying truth I came into, tears racked through my body with this like a woman in labor. I lost communication with The Holy Ghost. I stopped communicating with Him.

I was still praying, but I didn’t give Him the chance to talk back to me.

I read my Bible, but I was quick to close it and forget the words in Proverbs.

I fellowshipped with my brethren, I went to church, but something was amiss - His inputs, answers, His mannerisms.

And it told on how things were with me.

I've said a lot already, and I know you get the drift already.

Today, would you make a commitment to Not leave out the Person of the Holy Spirit? Would you?

Please, leaving him out can be very dangerous.

And also, WRITE if you are a writer even if you won’t post it out or stuff, WRITE! 🤧🤧

Have a nice day today.

But what's the worst best that would happen? You will find a piece sitting beautiful in your email.

Get in joor.

Since the beginning of this week, I've been trusting God on what to write to you and since I had that question in mind, there has been one thought sitting heavily in one of the corners of my mind.

FAMILIARITY.

If you look at matters well, you will realize that there is always a thin line between two contrasts.

Love and hatred. Honor and dishonor. Life and death. Hypes and Truth… to name a few.

But it was very difficult to find the thin line between Familiarity and its contrast because I realized, the basis of the majority of the things we take for granted is caused by Familiarity.

Oftentimes, I've watched this happen over and over again. I didn't even know it was happening until The Holy Spirit called my attention to it.

We become familiar quickly with people especially those we are good friends with and those we love.

You can love a person wholeheartedly, be funny with them, make jokes, whine about them and yet, not get familiar with them. You know when to draw the lines between their different persons. You love them yet you do not disregard things about them that may seem so… little!?

Let me give an example.

You have a friend, who takes out time to come say hi in your DM, check up on you and stuff, your friend could have overlooked that small (not so small) act, used the time for something else and whatnot, but he or she thought it best to use it for you.

If you thought, “who sent them?” That's Familiarity showing its ugly head.

Guess who replies them absentmindedly - Yeah, you guessed right.

YOU and I. We get absent minded when it comes to our own circle of influence. It is a state of the heart.

Do you know the craziest thing about this thing called Familiarity?

We often see it in the big details (and that's even if we see it), but oftentimes, it is more present in the little details.

Let me share a story/lesson with you.

I didn't know I used to (used to because since I saw it, I can't unsee it and I'm working on it) do this until my attention was called to it a few days ago.

Whenever I'm not in need of something and I enter my friends’ DM, I say my greetings then move on to other things with them - Discussions, questions.

But when I am in need, I leave my greetings at the gates of heaven and I go straight to what I am there for. The funny part is, until what I came for gets sorted out, I won't remember to greet them.

You see, this thing is not about greeting them or not firstly, it is about the state of your heart first.

The day they would bring judgement, they used my friend, Tise, to make me see it.

I noticed this, REGARDLESS OF ANY SITUATION, and I mean any situation, Tise would always say his greetings before he goes to the meat of the matter.

Does it mean sometimes he doesn't want to go straight to talk about his need? Definitely not. But there is a consciousness he has, "I can't be familiar regardless of any situation."

And since I saw that, it has become my daily mantra, “I can't become familiar or too familiar with my friends, my loved ones, but most especially, my friends in my age bracket.”

We all have the tendency to become familiar.

Last lesson, Familiarity is in the subtle acts. What you may not quickly see unless you're helped to see it.

Familiarity is a result of pride. So, please, don't become too familiar.

Remember, it is much more present in the things we do not pay the most attention to. Check the state of your heart and ask for help to work on it.

Familiarity is deadly, it is a thief of joy, energy and it drains life from you.

Beware!!!

Anyhoo.

That's not why I am here now in your face, at 10:20:50 seconds.

I sat with myself as I put a slice of potato stained with stew in my waiting mouth and I thought,

“SHOULD WE AS MEN HAVE EXPECTATIONS?”

Let me explain.

Expectations refers to the beliefs or hopes about what should happen or how things should be.

In terms of relationships, life, purpose, destiny, it is what's expected of you as a person.

Everyone have one or TEN expectations from their people

Having expectations may not be bad

However, this was where the thought got really interesting.

We have too much expectations. From people, experiences, things, especially from people who are humans like us.

I believe as humans, the only being allowed to have so much expectations from us is GOD.

That was a thought that came as I ate potato and plantain.

What do you think?

Iye by Pastor Lanre Awosika played in the background - A slow, spirit filled song that moved me to press in the spirit.

One of the benefits of listening to spirit filled songs.

I was reading one of my courses - FWT 501 - when I was spurred to pray more (because I was praying before), that was when the thought came visiting.

A little digression

What you’re about to read now would be used against you in the court of law was not what I planned to write to you.

The piece I was supposed to send to you didn’t sit well with my spirit after I wrote it down and I kept waiting for what Heaven would have to say to you.

Yesterday, was the day of reckoning - They brought the meal.

Back to our conversation,

The question came, “do you know why you have stunted growth?”

Ah! How did I go from reading my book to praying to this question, but, I stood still, I am here Father, speak.

And boy! Did He speak.

*Read in a still small voice*

“Many people, especially believers pray to me - Father, I want to grow, help me to grow. But, when I bring the materials for their growth - They miss them.”

I didn’t quite get it but I knew He wasn’t going to leave me in the dark, so I waited and asked so softly, “what do you mean?”

He asked, “How many Sundays do you have in your year?” “52”, I answered.

He continued, “You miss your portion of meal that has been served at the table meant to make you grow when you miss services, especially those services that has to do with listening to my word.”

*A dramatic pause*

“And when you skip meals, what happens? You won’t grow as it is required of you.

“It is not that your portion of understanding was not served, you weren’t present to take it in and digest.”

Men and brethren, Friends, I felt a cold shiver run through the members of my body.

For a person looking to grow well physically, you know you should not skip meals, you should exercise regularly, sleep or nap right, take enough water through the day, to name a few - because these are more important.

If all of these are present with us physically, how much more the realm of the spirit?

What am I saying to you today?

There are times that you have genuine reasons why you might not be able to go to church on some days, but, often than not, we should ensure we go to our church meetings with this mindset - The meal for my growth would be served and I cannot afford to miss it.

The devil would do anything to make you not grow.

You’re the one that would tell him, “No!, I would become a man of the spirit - rather than being a *good Christian* only.” And ensure you take precautions that would bring about the growth.

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